50 Ways To Read Your Lover

I try to always be upfront with you so lets be clear, I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey. My To Read pile is already out of control. People whose opinions I value have read the book or parts of it and said that it's not terribly well written. People whose blogs and tweets I follow who are core members of the domination and submission communities have had some problems with the way they've been portrayed. Now, I'm not judging anyone who reads stuff that's well written. I read and watch a lot of crap. More even than I ought I'm sure, however, I decided that it was ok not to read this particular stuff if it was going to mirror my experience wading through Twilight. Despite taking it off my list I had great plans to write a whole Alternatives to 50 Shades of Grey post but, as you can see, it hasn't materialized.

This evening I swung by a friend's house briefly. She's moving and has been sweating to the tune of her own packing all day. Before I left I pawed through the books in her giveaway pile. I moved one book back and forth about three times before I stopped myself. It was Our Bodies, Ourselves and I don't own a copy. I thought, "I write about bodies and sex. I need a copy of this book."

Well, you can't say that if you don't actually write about bodies and sex. That was enough to inspire me to get my ass (and my fingers and my brain) back here. As I strolled home with my bodily instruction manual clutched to my modest chest I mulled over how I should begin my Alternatives post. About halfway there I realized that I've written more than one post on the subject already. Why am I trying to reinvent the wheel? Let me do a round up of those posts below so we can share them with anyone who might be interested. One of my favorite parts of this site and the G-Spot column before it is the conversations. The one fantastic thing about 50 Shades is that it's upping the odds of people talking about sex and desire and pleasure. I've got my fingers crossed that we'll all have more opportunities to share (and read) these gems.

My tardy review of the anthology Bitten. Not just BDSM but plenty of that if you need it.

I don't think any of our readers would call Speak pornography but here's my post about the people who do.

Another round up, this one of all the ways you can enjoy the work of Susie Bright.

On the non-fiction shelf we've got Bonk, Mary Roach's exploration of sex in our society.

The only thing I've been recommending to people who like 50 Shades that I haven't mentioned here is Anne Rice's Beauty series. It's been around a long time so many of you may know it. It's very specifically BDSM. I've got the first one and re-read parts of it often but haven't gone on to the rest. I think I'll have to add those to my very tall To Read pile.

I'll see you soon with another of the posts I've been procrastinating on. Let's keep the conversation rolling!

But Before I Go...

I'm headed off to Blogher in a few hours but I was reminded of a couple of things this morning. First, I owe a friend a vibe recommendation post. So overdue. I will get on that, so to speak, as soon as possible. Second, I will be in the very same city as the original, awesome Good Vibrations storefront. So going. So. Absolutely. Going. Stay tuned.

In the mean time, would you help me tide my friend over by letting her know what your favorite sex toy is, please? I now live in fear that her current vibe, which is on its last...well, legs, will give up the ghost before I've chimed in about what she should get next.

I'll kick us off. I haven't tried this one but I would really, really, like to. I saw it over at Epiphora's blog when she was putting together a round up of green sex toys. It's the Ina Rabbit Vibrator by Lelo. I guess it's not for everyone but it sure looks like it might be for me!

Ok, now you go.

Insert Sheen Joke Here

*Cross posted at 117 Hudson*

I was going to write some really sad shit here, y'all. Feeling sad, sharing sad, I am made of generosity. Then I typed the first sentence of this entry into the url bar instead of "blogger.com" and decided my brain was not meant for writing of the deep today. So let's have a contest.

Remember Tony Comstock? You better. He's opened a new business venture of sailing trips off the coast of Long Island on his pretty little boat. Then he had another stellar idea (I bet Peggy helped) that they would raise money to fund a stipend for a Comstock SubGenius Grant. The grant will get you a week in September of life on the lovely boat and the stipend to ease your way to spending that time getting some honest work done on what you love. Your only obligation that week will be to have dinner with the Comstock Clan on Wednesday September 14. Nice work if you can get it.

I want it. 

So I'll apply and all will be well whether I receive the grant or not.

However, the stipend-raising hit a snag today when Kickstarter kicked the grant off their system. Details aren't important but Tony has a new plan, of course. For the next 24 hours (until noon Eastern on Tuesday March 29) half of the profits from all Comstock films sold will go into the stipend fund.

Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to buy a copy of Matt & Khym (review coming, no seriously, I promise) today during the stipend-raising period. I'm going to give it away to one of you on Saturday. This is what you can do to increase your chances of winning.

 - Leave a comment here: 1 entry
 - Leave a comment at Kizz & Tell: 1 entry
 - Tweet a link to your favorite Kizz & Tell post (leave a comment here with the link): 1 entry
- Buy a Comstock Film after the stipend raising period has ended (comment here to tell me, honor system): 3 entries
- Buy a Comstock Film during the stipend raising period (comment here to tell me, honor system): 5 entries
- Blog about Comstock Films (comment here or at Kizz & Tell with a link): 10 entries

Contest ends at midnight on Friday April 1st (no fooling!). I'll select a winner on Saturday and announce it here.

Bohemian Rhapsody

Here we are at December 1. It's the first night of Chanukah. It's the first day of Advent. It's the day after NaBloPoMo. It's World AIDS Day.

I grew up in a smallish New England town. It wasn't that I didn't know that AIDS existed, it's that it happened to other people. We were both informed and isolationist, a charming combination. Then in 1987 I came to New York City to go to college majoring in Theatre. You can't isolate yourself from AIDS in that career track, especially not in the late 80s. Fully half of my class welcome lectures involved discussion of the epidemic, safer sex practices and the fact that being young or straight or female didn't exempt you from being dead. I don't know what the statistic is now but when I moved to New York the fastest growing demographic of HIV+ people were women ages 18-24. I was 18.

In the non-linear way of memory I think of Freddie Mercury as being the first person I knew, even from afar, who had AIDS and who died from complications thereof. I just looked up the timeline, he died in 1991, so I'm sure that's not true now but he holds that sad, strange place in my heart. I'm not very current with music ever. I tend to get sidetracked into show tunes and folk and whatever I just heard on a TV show but I loved Freddie Mercury. I loved what he sounded like and how he looked and where his music went. It was just dramatic enough for an anxiety-prone, intelligent teenager with a love of the stage. I loved him no more, though, than all the people who have come into my life after he did and struggled with this disease and, ultimately, left to go join Freddie at whatever Live Aid concert is happening in the great beyond.

Whether you personally know someone who has come face to face with HIV and AIDS or not I'm willing to bet you have a Freddie Mercury. Your Freddie may be straight or Hispanic or transgendered or anything that Queen's Freddie was or wasn't but they mean something dear to you. While it's important for us to honor them in our actions all year round today, World AIDS Day, is a fine chance to step up our game. I thought of a couple of things we could do.

Have you been tested lately? The National HIV and STD testing resource gives some guidance for that emotional step. I've been tested a couple of times and, it turns out, that whether you do it in person or by mail it's never less nervewracking but it's good to know. Knowledge, as they say, is power.

I don't know enough about AIDS related charities to recommend just one to you. I like Charity Navigator, though, for when I'm choosing a resource to support. Here is a link to a search on their site of "AIDS" sorted by rating from highest to lowest. I know we're in a tough economy and hurtling into a season of sometimes irrational spending but, as they told me when I started at NYU, being [fill in any descriptor] doesn't exempt you from being dead.

It's more than a bicycle race. We are the champions who will play the game against this killer queen. Let's take this opportunity to find somebody to love before another one bites the dust. Together, I promise, we will rock you.

Take A Moment For Yourself

What I really recommend is that you never fall off the wagon. Not any wagon. Not for any reason. It's just too hard to get back on.

So to speak.

It's nearly Thanksgiving, though, and I ought to be just a little more helpful than that, I think.

For many years I've had an occasional feature on my personal blog, the Hot People posts.

Today I felt like doing one and I felt like putting it here.

But what the hell am I recommending by showing you pictures of people who make me want to bite something?

Am I recommending the people themselves? Lust? Photography? Watching more TV?

Well, sure, on some level but is that enough? Probably not.

Better, I think, as we head into the hectic, demanding holiday season, that I recommend we each take a moment for ourselves each and every day to stop, breathe and look at something pretty.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you're happy, healthy and not hungry.

(From top: Alexander Skarsgard, Mos Def, Tina Fey, Chris Pine, Denzel Washington, Hugh Laurie, Sofia Vergera and Tim Roth.)

Bloody Delicious Says I!

You know what I think is sexy? Live theatre.

This rec is not a donkey show, it wouldn't even be categorized as erotic necessarily, but it sure made me wiggle in my red velvet seat the other night.

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson is a musical based on the life and presidency of, you may have guessed, Andrew Jackson. Dude was nuts. OK, well, passionate. He was a flip flopper! He was an idealist! He was a brute! He was a romantic! Honestly, I have to do some more research before I can even begin to guess but he certainly led a rich and varied life both in and out of politics.

Alex Timbers and Michael Friedman have styled Jackson as a bit of a rock star. They have translated his charisma and populist approach into a character equal parts John Wayne and John Mayer. Benjamin Walker dons some tight jeans, a pristine Henley and a utility belt/holster that would make Batman proud to breathe smoking hot life into our 7th president. It's heart racing, panty dampening goodness.

If sex is at least 50% in your mind then BBAJ has that all wrapped up with a leather bow as well. Jackson had complicated views on immigration, Native Americans, war, governmental size, congressional power and work-life balance. Responsible for the rehoming and outright killing of nearly the entire Native North American population he cherished a son rescued from the massacres he engineered. While he was a man of bold action he sure wasn't afraid to contradict himself. As we stand in highly charged political times now it's tempting to watch the play with an ear out for which current party is being lambasted by the production and the answer is both. Which is, I suspect, as it should be.

The ensemble for this production is diverse and brutally talented and they are leaving nothing in the tank for later. Each character (many actors play a few in the course of the show) is fully formed and beautifully nuanced. I've had Emily Young's rendition of Ten Little Indians running rampant through my head since I left the theatre on Sunday. Bryce Pinkham's portrayal of both the weasel-wearing, creeptastic Henry Clay (second from left below) and the hypocritically smoldering Black Fox have been fodder for many a naughty day dream for the past few days as well. And if laughter is your trigger you should bring something to bite down on before Jeff Hiller (second from right below) takes the stage. Every moment of broad comedy was so funny I thought Misti was going to need a change of underthings before we headed home.

There were too many empty seats in the house for my liking on Sunday night. People are missing out. So today I recommend that, if you are anywhere near Broadway, you go see this intelligent hootenanny of a musical as soon as humanly possible. If you are not close enough to do that please keep your fingers crossed that it will have a life on the touring circuit. As politically and sexually charged a piece as it is I don't know that a tour is in its stars but if Urinetown! (The Musical) can tour then anything can happen. Keep your eyes peeled for these actors and this show, I truly think you'll love it.

Tight jeans are sexy. Smoky eyes are sexy. Thigh tattoos and cowboy boots are sexy. Mostly, though, talent is sexy and Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson is shot through with that.

Revisiting: Once Bitten, Not Shy

As many of you know, the inspiration for our Monday conversations comes from a column I wrote at The Women's Colony. I plan to reprint all those posts over time. This post seemed better suited for The Resource Room than our conversations. I haven't edited out the bits that are Women's Colony-specific but there's no need to worry about those, I just like having the original pieces preserved completely on the internet. Thanks in advance for your understanding.


*****

Guidepost: Honestly I'm at a loss about how to write this guidepost. The only truthful way to explain what this post is about involves using a word that I'm willing to bet people are going to be angry to see on their front pages before they have a chance to click away from me and my ilk. Let's do it this way, if you're mad (and I think you're gonna be) please leave Mrs. G out of it, she's only one woman, send your angry e-mails to me at isabeau6 at hotmail dot com. Now, today's post is a review of some erotic (there! I said it! open your e-mail programs now!) literature. I refrain from using any objectionable language (except for the word erotica) that I know of. All photos are probably safe except that they also feature the term erotica. The links, as you might imagine, are to erotic literature so...they all depend on your definition of safe. Read on MacDuff!

It's high time I did a book review here. Many moons ago Jules pointed out that my Down the Rabbit Hole post was heavy on image-based sites. I told her then that I was baffled since I'm usually more a fan of words than of pictures where the erotic is concerned. I still am. Some day I'll do another Rabbit Hole Diving (dirty!) post and I'll focus on the words. This week, though, in honor of Jodi's focus on books, I want to talk about a newish anthology from Susie Bright, Bitten.

Full disclosure, I got this book brand spanking (hee hee) new thanks to a discount from Bright herself. That was in response to a call she put out to get positive Amazon reviews soon after the book's release date to help sales. I should publicly apologize here for not getting that done. I purchased the book immediately and even began reading it but set it down for some reason (possibly related to my dog's death but not entirely, I'm afraid) and have only just recently picked it back up and finished it. I promise to write my review now and get it posted to Amazon ASAP.

I also want to assure you that no part of this review is written to assuage any guilt I might have over my tardiness. I have been a fan of Bright and her anthologies for more than a decade and wouldn't be disrespectful enough not to be honest here. The first piece of erotic literature I came across was Anais Nin's Delta of Venus (is this everyone's first?) and quickly on its heels Story of O (I was stage managing a somewhat avant garde version of Beauty & the Beast, the library was topical). They were good, a stark contrast to the furtively perused copies of Penthouse I'd discovered as a teen, but they are both of a certain period. While they are both explicit they still pull some kind of filmy curtain over the whole torrid affair.

Sometime after that I was fortunate enough to discover The Best American Erotica series. Here were stories where the curtain was shredded on the ground being used to mop up after orgies of really juicy words. These short stories left the questionable grammar, foolish bodily proportions and laughable coincidences of a book of Penthouse letters in the dust. I started a collection and, while it isn't quite complete, it is much beloved and as well-used as many of the characters therein. Financial woes, I'm told, brought the publishing of that series to an end. It didn't bring Susie Bright to an end, though. I read her web site and I sampled some of her other work and I like a lot of it but none so much as this new collection.

First off, just from a book lover's perspective this is a piece of art. Technically a paperback the cover has delicious weight and structure. The edges of the pages are black to hold the integrity of the cover art which makes them seem somehow more valuable. I'm petrified of snakes and yet, the slightly raised cover illustration turns my mind more to bite than flight. The publisher, Chronicle Books, clearly cares about the whole experience of bringing this volume into your bed.

Probably, though, you're more interested in the content. I'll tell you I felt a little wrong reading it on the subway. Delightfully wrong. The title isn't vulgar (like so many of mine) and the cover shows nothing remotely suggestive (unless you're a fan of Freud) so there was no reason anyone would know of the lifted skirts and swiftly unbuckled belts within, which was, frankly, a little disappointing. This was, perhaps, the only time I kind of wanted someone to read over my shoulder. The theme Bright worked with was gothic erotica so there are elements of the occult and the fantastic in each story but, to me, they all seemed deeply rooted in ordinary reality. This, I think, made every story all the more thrilling since they could be happening all around me.

There are 15 stories in this little gem. I was ready to write a glowing review before I even finished the first one, The Devil's Invisible Scissors by Sera Gamble. All the action takes place in a bar, any bar, could be the bar my bus was skimming past right then and the sex isn't front loaded. Gamble makes you wait for it. She wants to be sure you really want it before she gives in. I did. I really, really did. I wanted it so much that I'd like to thank her and Bright and all the authors by telling you about each and every tale but we just don't have time for that. I'll hit a couple of highlights and simply urge you at every turn to acquire your own copy at your earliest convenience or perhaps just slightly before that.

I've got tell you that I can't properly recommend my absolute favorite story in the collection, The Legacy by Donna George Storey, here. I simply don't have the words. Storey's heroine becomes intrigued when her boyfriend tells a group of friends about a photo book his uncle bequeathed to him. The book contained many models but all from one quite...narrow view, if you will. Her fascination with this knowledge spurs her to action and that's all I can say about that. If Storey were writing here, if Storey had used that word around which there was all that uproar, there would have been no objections, everyone would simply have begged her for more. More, Ms. Storey, please ma'am, more.

My sharper side has asked to read and re-read Cate Robertson's Half Crown Doxy. Maybe it was because thoughts of crime and punishment were at the forefront of my mind while I read. Maybe it's the appealing heroine. Probably, though, it's the way Robertson made me squirm in my seat and read through squinted eyes but read on nonetheless. She skates along the line where more cruelty would be too much, would dampen the buzz I had going by that point in the book, she threatens at every turn to step over it and yet, at least for my taste, never quite does.

I've read other things by Tsaurah Litzky, also courtesy of Bright and her talent for collecting, and haven't liked them as well as I like The Witch of Jerome Avenue. It's milder than many of the stories here. The setting is quite normal, Litzky has a talent for New York City tales, and the occult bent is very gentle. There's sex, it's entirely satisfying but in a simpler, sweeter way than Half Crown Doxy or Pandora's Other Box. This one made me nostalgic for a kind of adolescence I haven't experienced. It also made me super horny.

On that note, I've only told you about three selections from this group. If the Colony were a physical place we could have a book club meeting (with a clear, definitive warning posted on the closed door to our sound proof meeting room) about it. I'd like nothing more than to go over each story individually with you. It is, for my money, Bright's best collection. If I have any quibble it's that the pieces are laid out in such a way that the ending is ever so slightly disappointing. The Devil's Invisible Scissors is such a strong opener that tapering off with Get Thee Behind Me, Satan, a story that is heavier on harsh emotion than on sex of any kind, was something of a letdown for me. Then again, if I hadn't been just a little bit let down I wouldn't have jumped directly back in to re-read my favorites.

Perhaps you know someone who's wondering what to get you for the holidays. Perhaps that person wants to make you very happy in a variety of ways. Perhaps that person is you. Whoever it is I hope you find a copy of Bitten under the holiday icon of your choice in the coming weeks. I feel certain it will make you very merry indeed.

Clerical

When people ask for my top five movies they don't, I think, expect me to say, "Secretary." It happens every so often that I read or watch something that just makes perfect sense to me on a nearly physical level. The first time someone asked me what I thought of the film I said, "It's a fairy tale written just for me." Which I suppose could be taken a number of ways. When the credits rolled it seemed that, of all the romances I'd seen on film this one felt the truest.

Quick synopsis: Maggie Gyllenhaal plays Lee Holloway, a young woman recently released from an in-patient mental health program. While trying to reintegrate into her old life and perhaps even improve on it she gets herself a job. That job is with James Spader's character, Mr. Grey, an exacting local lawyer. Over time they discover they have something in common.

OK, from here on out I can't promise there won't be spoilers.

Similar to some of what I said about re-meeting Mollena, the best part of Secretary is how accurately we see the strength and power in submission. That thing the characters have in common is BDSM. When they are true to the parts of themselves that feed off their dominance or submission they are happy, productive, able members of society. When they hide their core needs they are klunky and uncomfortable, they don't fit in the air space allotted them by the world.

Lee isn't a gorgeous woman objectively. She becomes shy and retiring when trying to hide her need to submit. When she's able to let that shine through she can do anything, ask for anything, be anything she wants to be. It's not Mr. Grey who transforms her into someone beautiful and intelligent, it's finally insisting on showing her true self that does. No one else could possibly do that for her. The writers and director never once stray into a construct that suggests women are weak or easily manipulated.

There are a lot of acts Mr. Grey and Lee perform that don't turn me on and yet the depiction of them is thoroughly panty-soaking. There is a sexual tension in Spader's every move that, even when his character feels shamed, doesn't bring the same feeling down on the audience.

Now, I'm no expert on the BDSM scene so I suppose there might be things that are improperly depicted or even offensive to real life practitioners. I sure hope not, though, because this life style is the perfect framework for a story about finding common ground and being brave enough to show one's tender underbelly to the world.

What's your favorite mainstream movie with sexual content?

Old Friends, New Information

Way back in the 80s I moved to New York City to go to college. I was attending a small drama school within NYU. My core classes had, at most, 15 people in them. It was difficult and glorious and completely weird but I'll never forget those people, that's for sure. A year or so ago one of them was in town and we were shooting the breeze about his life in the Bay Area. He'd been accidentally stumbling upon old schoolmates of ours here and there and mentioned he'd seen Mollena. She had a web site. I might be interested.

I was. I am. I was flabbergasted to see what she'd been up to since she disappeared from my limited vision almost twenty years ago. Mollena was Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009, she's International Ms. Leather 2010 and she's got the same kind of fuzzy hat with ears she used to wear with this long teal coat as we stumbled through the Port Authority far too early every Friday morning of our freshman year. She has been active in the Leather and BDSM communities since 1996 and, even from reading her blog for so short a time, I can tell she's highly respected in all of those communities.

Full disclosure, if that was all there was to it I'd recommend her to you anyway. She's a friend and she's lovely and she's got a lot of information that you might want to have. I wrote her an email last week, after reading her blog for nearly a year, and was nervous that hearing from me would be awkward. Her swift and sure response was to tell me I made her day. Come on, who wouldn't promote the shit out of an old friend like that? Also, what a great time to tell you about the time we were both cast in a dramatization of A Handmaid's Tale. Mollena played the woman who owned the handmaid. The whole sex scene from that play takes on an entirely different sheen now.

But there's more. The girl I knew way back in the way back machine was brash and bold and wouldn't take no for an answer. She held all the reins in both hands and she was driving toward wherever the light was brightest and I always felt a little foolish for not being sure I wanted to be on the trip with her. I have control issues, I'm sure we've established that. Flash forward lo these many years and I tumble face first into Mollena's blog to hear that she's active in the BDSM community as a submissive. Really? I thought I was going to find that really hard to resolve with my memories of her. Fortunately I did what I always do in situations like that, I just kept reading.

The bold, brash, rein-holding girl is still there, of course. She's spending her life now, though, navigating those entwined desires for control and for the complete release of it. Which, you have to know, is something I struggle with all the time. How do you write about being sex positive and urge other people to be confident in their choices and clear in their boundaries while knowing that, deep in your heart, when the clothes come off you want someone else to take the reins? Mollena knows the answer to that question and she's honoring it with her writing, her speaking and her living every day.

Thank heavens I found her again.

The Children Actually Are Our Future

Edited a/o 10/10/20 1:55pm

A few weeks ago I mentioned a great site for sex information for teens, Scarleteen. Directly on the heels of that I discovered that the site relies entirely on donations to "provide comprehensive, inclusive and original sex education for millions of young adults each year." No ads**, no sponsors, no obligations to anyone but the people they serve. For more information on what they need in order to serve their readers go here. Last Friday kicked off three weeks of fund raising via a "Blog Carnival" with bloggers writing about Scarleteen and all that it does for Sex Education.

One thing I regret about my earlier endorsement of Scarleteen is not having enough examples of how their work helps people. AAG has collected a list of links to all the posts that are part of the carnival. She's also been posting particularly important excerpts from posts and the more I read the more it's reinforced for me that we are kneecapping the children of the world by not doing everything we can to educate them about this vital and pervasive part of our lives. Here are just a couple of links to posts AAG has highlighted.

• An older sibling finds out that her younger brother has been given blatantly false contraception information in a sexual education class, probably as a perceived plug for abstinence.
• What would happen if we handled financial education the way we do sex education?
• Sometimes it's important for even the most progressive and open parents to have someone else who is trustworthy for their kids to talk to about sex.

You all know that I started this site in part because women were saying they had no one to talk to about questions, concerns and curiosities. If we have ever felt underinformed, isolated or confused regarding sex and sexuality doesn't it make sense that we should be the ones keeping our children from feeling the same way? Perhaps it could even help prevent them from repeating our missteps. There are no guarantees in life but what would we be if we didn't even try. We have to try. Even Lyle Lovett says so.

Scarleteen and its founder, Heather Corinna, work tirelessly to make sure that every young person who comes to them (and plenty of older people, too) gets honest, accurate, constructive answers. This week alone the Twitter stream reminded young men who don't want to be fathers that refusing to wear condoms was contradictory to that agenda and reinforced for all young people that we make mistakes and it's part of learning. The learning is the important part and Scarleteen needs our support to continue to teach this lessons. Will you please help?

** Just got a note from Heather Corinna via AAG to correct a mistake on my part. HC says, "We aren't ad-free. We do use Google ads when we don't have paying adverts, which is almost always, and we're very selective about advertisers, but yeah, we have ads." I apologize for the misinformation and thank the ladies for clearing up my gaffe.

Problem. Solution.

While I have, of course, many things to recommend I have arrived at the nooning of the Wednesday, Resource Room Day, with nothing written, nothing coming to mind, a lost list and much actual work to do at my actual job. How dare they, right?

My favorite piece of advice from my mentor is, "Make the problem your solution." My degree is in theatre so usually that meant realizing you didn't have enough money for a spot light so giving the actors borrowed flashlights and pointing them at each other instead or something of the that ilk.


Here, today it means asking a question instead of giving an answer. Because I know that we're a community of great knowledge and you know things that I want to know, you just haven't told me yet. So, what do you recommend I take a look at? Films, toys, stories, websites, people, pictures, fads, anything at all. Tell me something I don't know.

Please?

Enter!

Many of the people, places and things I have in the pipeline for The Resource Room I first learned about at Blogher back in August. In the tumble of information that happened after the conference I wound up following Epiphora on Twitter and then put her blog, Hey Epiphora, in my reader. (I know all the cool kids don't use readers anymore they just read when someone pimps an entry on Twitter but I can't do that, it messes with my Twitter rhythm. I'm content sticking here in the mud.) So I haven't "known" her very long but here is what I know.

She's funny and honest and you don't want to make her angry. She knows what she likes and she knows how to get it. She reviews porn and sex toys and she doesn't do it lightly. If something isn't working for her she doesn't dismiss it out of hand (or cunt) she tries again and tells you the (nearly) scientific results of her experiments. Her Jack Off Journals are not to be missed! I wish there was one every week.

I chose to bump this recommendation up in the queue because her web site is having its 2nd Anniversary and she's doing a huge, HUGE, giveaway to celebrate. (Full disclosure, I can and will use this blog post as an entry in the contest. If that bothers you I think you'll forgive me when you see all the amazing stuff she's got for the giveaway.) I urge you to blog, tweet, comment, pat your head and rub your belly, bat your eyelashes, whatever you need to do to enter.

But before you do, take a spin around Hey Epiphora. You might just see something you never knew you wanted until she showed you. That's what happened to me.

*Photo is from Flickr Commons and is not associated with Hey Epiphora in any way except that I enjoyed it as a graphic for this post.

Watch More TV

I had coffee with Tony Comstock on Monday. I was unable to attend the event he was to speak at but I did have time to buy him coffee so I got a personalized preview. There's lots to say because I always learn something new when we chat but the extreme distillation is "we need to be positive about sex, all kinds, to everyone." So that's what I was thinking about when I looked for a recommendation for today. (Tony kindly gifted me with some of his films to review so look for those in later editions of the Resource Room.)

You may or may not know that I love TV. That love may or may not be a healthy one. I will watch, for the most part, any fictional programming you put up on the small screen at least once. (Thank you Eastbound & Down, Always Sunny in Philadelphia and anything starring David Spade for being exceptions that prove the rule.) I tell you this to explain why I'm about to recommend two shows and then criticize them.

I have watched every single episode of The L Word and Queer As Folk (US*). Some of you are cheering now, some are weeping.

Here's the thing, these shows are very poorly written, sometimes poorly acted and riddled with bizarre stunt casting and plot twists. Somewhere in the 3rd season the characters in The L Word just stop doing anything remotely connected to the boundaries of their characters in the first two seasons and they catapult off in new directions without rhyme or reason. At one point in QAF a guy with one ball breaks his arm and still continues to participate in a charity bike ride...in Canada. It's like when the Facts of Life cast went to Paris, we know it's a bad idea but we love them so we watch anyway.

I still think you should watch these shows. While we continue to work to highlight real, normal sex and real, normal relationships in a society awash in airbrushed, surgically enhanced people play acting their lives for marginal fun and short term profit The L Word and QAF stood front and center to bridge the gap.

The L Word is, admittedly, cast mostly with beautiful people who obligingly have sex that includes surefire orgasms at least twice per episode. As the show progressed, though, they filled in their gaps with different shapes, sizes and sexual identities of people. There were women of different ages, hues and nationalities. There were characters of different life experience and with different goals and, just like in real life, (nearly) everyone had sex. Sometimes I hated it when they did (Jenny, bah!) and sometimes I begged for more (Shane, call me!) but, in the course of (relatively) normal lives we also got to see the sex.

I wouldn't presume to speak to why Queer as Folk seemed more reluctant to expand their casting choices. The show remained steadfastly white, under 40 and carved out of expensive marble (even the token lesbian couple). But beautiful people, according to the writers, have lives and problems and sex, too. Sex within commitment, sex on the side of commitment, masturbation, single sex, unprotected sex, sex with HIV, sex with prostitutes, sex with friends, sex with drugs, sex that evolves with the participants, lots and lots of sex. While the overall production values of the show are perfectly average when shooting the sex scenes the whole series somehow stepped up their game.

I feel I'm not making my point. Did you ever watch Spin City? OK, so Michael J. Fox's character, Mike, was single and a big muckity muck in the NYC Mayor's office. One member of the large and wonderful supporting cast (Emmy nominated Connie Britton, I'm looking at you), was Carter, a single, gay staffer played by Michael Boatman. Over the course of the many episodes you watched can you give a round estimate to the number of times you saw Mike kiss someone, lie in a bed with someone, emerge disheveled from a bedroom with someone, or even emerge from under/behind a desk with someone? I'm going to just lowball it at 1.5 times per episode. There must have been an episode or two when he didn't do any of that and in a lot of them it was constant. Close your eyes and reflect again on the series. How many times did you see Carter in any of those situations? If you guessed zero I'd agree with you. I'm not putting Spin City up as a shining example of portrayals of hetero sex, either, but it's representative of the kind of sex we usually see on TV whether on something tame like this or a certified edgy series like The Wire (Ever see Omar Little getting it on? I thought not.).

So I'm recommending that we revel in shows that give us a variety of images of romance and sex. The L Word and Queer As Folk broke ground by being such popular shows while focusing on a. homosexual main characters and b. sex. Were they artistically exquisite? Perhaps not. But they were glorious fun, an emotional roller coaster and well worth your time and support. Treat yourself! And give Shane and Brian a little kiss from me.

*I have not seen even one clip from the original UK Queer As Folk. Anyone care to warn or recommend?

Speak Loudly

Interestingly I am so unnerved by the brouhaha surrounding the book I want to recommend that I am nearly speechless. It is, you see, a book about a teenager who finds herself unable to speak after she is raped.

The book is Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson and it is not pornography. I'm not telling you that because I think you're stupid or because being recommended here means that something will necessarily be titillating. I'm telling you because a professor in Missouri is campaigning to have Speak banned because he classifies it as pornography. The two sex scenes in the book depict rape and he thinks that makes it soft core porn.

On the recommendation of my friend, JRH, I read Speak a couple of years ago and went on to read some of Anderson's other work. I love YA fiction and her work is some of the cream of that particular crop. Speak isn't an easy subject but it is an important one. Banning this book, on any grounds, is tantamount to insisting that rape victims everywhere be silent about their assault. You don't have to believe me, read this article on Blogher to see what the author found in the back of her local library's copy of Speak.

Thanks to Sassymonkey for writing that post on Blogher and bringing my attention to the issue. If you're on Twitter please use the hashtag #SpeakLoudly in support of Ms. Anderson, her book and victims of sexual assault everywhere.

Star Light, Star Bright

I'll be damned if I can find it now but I remember reading a blog post about the effectiveness of orgasm in reducing pain during labor. The woman brought her Hitachi Magic Wand to the birthing center and gave herself genuine relief! I love that story. The writer in question is Susie Bright. Why I didn't start off the Resource Room by recommending her we may never understand. I'm doing it now, though!

Susie Bright has forgotten more about sex, sexuality, sexual revolution, gender, politics, love and acceptance than I may ever know. She edited a series of anthologies that I credit with the majority of my orgasms for over a decade. She hosts an audio series with some of the most interesting people and topics I can imagine. She has a blog where all of a sudden she'll teach you a history lesson wrapped up in a political rant swaddled in a sexy story and leave you laughing and crying all at once. Seriously, do you like any or all of Jimi Hendrix, lesbians, strippers, Woodstock, San Francisco, burlesque or groupies? Susie Bright covers all those in one blog post. She and her daughter, Athena, once wrote a sex advice column together even! You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter. You can buy her books and games and other innovations. I urge, encourage, even beg you to support her in every way as she is now and ever has been a pioneer in talking about sex.

I created this site because I started writing about sex and women kept writing to me, "Thanks for this, no one I know ever talks about it."

Go now. Get to know Susie Bright. She talks about it.


Susie's books at the Chronicle Books site.
Her blog.
Her store.
Susie on Audible.com
Photos of Susie Bright.
In Bed With Susie Bright, her audio show.



*The above photo is not Ms. Bright, it's a fair use photo from The Commons at Flickr. The woman's button says, "Pray For Sex." I liked that.

School Daze

In honor this being Back To School Week here in New York (or, rather, Back to School DAY as the kid folk will go today then have two days off for Rosh Hashannah) it seems only appropriate that the resource for today be Scarleteen.

Not being a teen or actively raising one I haven't spent a ton of time on the site myself. I can say, though, that every sex blogger who I have ever heard respond to a question about good sexuality resources for teens has spoken immediately of Scarleteen. The team over there has worked to answer questions thoughtfully, to include all types of people, and to make it easy to ask the hard questions.

I do think it's important that kids feel comfortable asking anything of their parents. However, I don't think all kids will feel that comfort regardless of how open and welcoming their parents are on any topic. I also think that learning how to find answers on one's own, from reliable sources, is a valuable skill to have. Scarleteen is, from what I've seen and heard, the very model of a reliable source. I encourage we children of all ages to support and utilize the site to its fullest.

Happy Back to School, wherever that may find you!

Faster Than A...Well...You Know

There was a panel at Blogher about sex blogging. I had to go, right? It would have been silly not to when I'd just launched this site. What's more I would have missed the swag bag!

I did a cursory check of the bag as we walked down the hall (bullet vibe, ceramic vibe, cool!) but I haven't had the time or inclination to get down to the brass tacks of it until just the other day.

I've never owned a bullet vibe before. I expected it to be bigger. And, frankly, not shaped quite so much like an actual bullet. Not complaining, though, definitely not complaining.

This is the one that appeared in my gift bag and after only one use I feel confident in recommending it to all. It's sleek and black like the little black dress of vibes. Super quiet. Really, I could barely hear it and I was only an arm's length away. There are 5 speeds, all simply controlled by one little button. The batteries are little and slippery and apparently expensive but that seems a small price to pay. Oh, and it's waterproof, so, among other things, it's easy to clean. I have no idea what the vibe itself costs but here's a similar model for under $20. Worth every penny. I'm telling you. But, to my reckoning, go for the armor piercing not the hollow point. The "pinpoint accuracy" option is a delight.

Uniquely Delightful

My recommendation for this week is Tony & Peggy Comstock. Whatever they do, wherever they go I suggest you follow. It may be a strange and confusing journey at first but you'll get into the swing of it in no time and they will not steer you wrong.

I initially recommended their company, Comstock Films, over at The Women's Colony which led me to a chance to hear Tony speak and now I follow his films, his tweets and his blogs every chance I get. The films the Comstocks create are of real life couples being interviewed and having sex. It's not something, I'm pretty sure, you can find anywhere else.

The Comstocks are, of course, embroiled in the battles against censorship and for healthy sexual imagery as well. Tony is well-versed in how our current film ratings systems was developed (those letters so don't mean what you think they mean) and his family's livelihood has been repeatedly threatened as those skewed "values" trickle into the way the internet is organized. His blog, Tony Comstock's Koan of Silence, is a fully safe-for-work site intended not only to broadcast Tony's experiences as a proponent of real, unscripted sexual imagery but as a test subject against his other not-always-safe-for-work sites to see where the new restrictions in search engines are leading.

It's complicated. But it's important to keep ourselves informed because, as tame as this site may often be, it's already, I'm sure, banned from a number of homes and offices. So get yourself informed a bit but before you get overwhelmed scoop yourself up a copy of one of the Comstocks' films, lie back and relax. You won't be disappointed.

Brand Spanking New Feature!

The middle of the week seems like a long, barren wasteland. I need to put up another post midweek. I can't wait all the way from Monday to Friday anymore. So I thunk and I thunk (like the Grinch) and I came up with something simple and fun. I'm going to feature a resource every Wednesday. Might be a book or web site or toy or anything else. There are so many things I find while poking around the internet that I want to share and this seems like the way to do it.

I considered a number of resources to kick off the feature. They were all intriguing and delightful but I wanted it to go off with a bang...er, if you will, so I chose The Over-Educated Nympho. She's a young, fun gal living in Texas who wants to help others have fun. I suggest you check out her blow job tutorial or her threesome chronicles.

She's been on hiatus for a while but, if you follow her on Twitter (she calls it Twatter), you know that she's had a really exciting weekend and she's writing the new blog posts even as I post this. She keeps her identity pretty well secret so there aren't many inappropriate images but the language might get nabbed by your employer's spyware or your tween children.

Enjoy!

If you've found anything out there on the vast internet that you think deserves a recommendation here please shoot me an email at isabeau6 at hotmail dot com.