As many of you know, the inspiration for our Monday conversations comes from a column I wrote at The Women's Colony. I plan to reprint all those posts over time. For the past couple of weeks I've been talking about Kizz & Tell a lot and in the telling I've mentioned the following column almost every time. I thought it would be a good idea to post it here in case we've got more to say on the subject.
After a very careful afternoon and evening I got ready for bed. Surprise! Got my period, too. Apparently just too full of blood, had to jettison as much as possible in 12 hours.
Funnily enough between blood lettings I'd been watching Californication. It's that Showtime series where self-described sex addict, David Duchovny, plays a fiction writer who may be a sex addict. In one of the episodes Justine Bateman puts the make on him - he's a borderline sex addict, she has to work exactly as hard as cocking an eyebrow - and they wind up in bed together. She's a bit of a confessor. She confesses to not having had sex in a while. A few kisses later she admits that she hasn't landscaped her landing strip in quite some time. Finally she gets around to the fact that she has her period. Duchovny's character, Hank Moody, is undeterred by any of it. Without protesting too much he remarks on something to love about both a fully grown bush and a little extra color. If he objects to anything it seems to be her constant chatter.
I couldn't do it. I don't get naked when I'm bleeding. Maybe at the very tail end of the situation when you could pass it off as surprise spotting but not when it's in full swing. Now perhaps I'm just a copious bleeder. Given how my day went last week I'm thinking that's a safe bet. I seem to be in the minority of commenters on last week's virginity post who bled when I first had intercourse. For the record, though, I bleed like a slaughtered animal every month. As I've grown older it's shifted a bit. I used to bleed heavily for up to 4 days of the 7 day process. Now I bleed heavily for between 2 and 3 days of the 7 but on one of those days it's often hard for me to get through my commute without an accident the flow is such close kin to a rushing river. And I probably shouldn't mention it but if I won't who will? The chunks! There are bits...and pieces...of....lining I suppose, or clots, it's hard to tell and it's probably a bit of both. Plus pain. About 70% of the time the pain is enough to impair my daily function, though not to put me completely out of commission. I'm sure that orgasm would help the pain immensely but I cannot imagine a way in which I could negotiate a sexual encounter, much less a casual one, with all that going on.
In Californication they later make a quick joke out of Hank's stained prick. If it were me how would he explain his stained groin, thighs, buttocks and knees? Just call me Buckets - o - Blood.
I'm a sanitary napkin girl. Along with being anti-douche (not just the people, also the practice) I've never been a tampon girl. I know many a devoted advocate of the diva cup but please refer to the gory mess I describe above for my, perhaps unfounded, objections. For me, all of this is just for me, I'm all for other people doing what works for them. I can see how the diva cup could be a good option for sex, unless it were to be...dislodged in some way. Just guessing that having one's diva cup runneth over could be dicey.
Not being willing to give in to the nature of the beast, as it were, makes me feel quite vanilla. I feel a bit prudish and ridiculous, especially because it's not something I'm squeamish about on a partner's behalf but on my own. The idea of all that muck oozing around is somehow completely different to me than the idea of non-menstrual, juicy, excited muck oozing around. Because the flip side is, I get really wet when I'm excited. If I plan to go commando for illicit sexual purposes I have to pack a pair of panties for after because if I don't someone is going to notice my ankles glistening. It's something I try to be aware of.
Anyway, how are you feeling after setting the bar just a bit higher into TMI territory? Can we talk? How do you feel about the mid-menstrual mambo? What am I missing?
Sometimes the bed has looked like the Godfather horsehead scene but yes, I've done it. It does help with cramps. Really. And right before the cycle.... true to Mother Nature's "You must procreate" request... my hormones are at their highest level and want to have sex.ReplyDelete
As for pads... well... I gave them up with Neon clothing somewhere in the 90's. I finally learned how to use a Tampax.
I was in on this one over at TWC, and seriously. I STILL have no idea what the hell that diva cup is supposed to do. . . and frankly, I'm scared to google it.ReplyDelete
I bleed. and I never know when it's coming. I'm too old for birth control, (I tried that with the new boyfriend last year) I'm sure I have a cycle, but it's just every 15 or 18 days. There are months that I bleed a week in the beginning and a week in the end and perhaps, if I"m lucky, I'll go a little with the full moon.
having said all that? yup. there's stains on my sheets. Stains in my panties. I wear both tampons and pads and walk around feeling like I could rip your head off, cover it in junior mints and nachos and eat it bit by bit.
But I have had sex during. Mostly on accident. Sometimes just drunk and not caring. Never at my heaviest, but certainly during those I MUST HAVE YOU STICK THAT IN ME RIGHT NOW hormone moments...
once in forever and a day i get horny enough to get past the whole slimy-bloody yuck factor and not care, but for the other 364 days a year it's a no-go. Not to mention that I just don't feel like it, the drive is stuck in park. I don't bleed so much anymore either, it's slowed down a bit. Diva cups? Can't go there. Hate tampons, they make me have to pee constantly, but will wear them when absolutely necessary. Otherwise it's pads all the way.ReplyDelete
The first day especially is a doozy- I don't even want to be there, let alone someone else going there. However, Kotex is usually good to me. Later in the week there has been known to be stimulation without intercourse and those times can feel just as good. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we've been together for so many years. We know what's what. I can't imagine going there with someone else.ReplyDelete
diva + sex = MEGA PAIN for the man. Instead cups are far better for period sex.ReplyDelete
i'm a huge huge huge fan of the Instead cup. the Diva doesn't fit comfortably - feels like a tampon, but a million times more painful. i quit tampons due to the pain.
Now that's some info I hadn't heard before about the Instead cup. I went and looked up a link in case anyone's interested. (Misti, I think if you look at the photo of this one you'll have a clearer idea of what it's doing. Basically it's like a diaphragm, and it catches the blood straight out of the cervix.)ReplyDelete
they're so much more comfortable...the only downside is they CAN be prone to leaks if they're not seated properly or if one gets super heavy flow. i wear a liner daily anyway, so this really didn't bug me much.ReplyDelete
first attempts at using it can be a little gross, but being able to leave it in for 12 hours made me stick with it past the initial squicky reactions.
also, some folks will reuse the same one throughout the length of one's period...i'm one of those people. i rinse it out in the shower in the morning and dump/rinse it in the evening once i'm home from work. it's a lot less hassle reusing the same item - no extra trash to deal with, especially when in a situation where trash cans might be harder to find. if your kegels are good, emptying it is easy as squeezing.
I use the Keeper -- same idea as the Diva Cup. It is wonderful, especially if you happen to be traveling. Usually use a thin pantiliner incase anything slips out. Nice not to have to think about potential infections and complications that could kill you too. Sex with it (or without it when bleeding) isn't my cup of tea though. I think of my period as my time to treat the husband a little bit. Since I've thought about it that way, I've learned to become quite aroused by doing it for him. (that is probably something most of you knew from the start, but it took me awhile to stop thinking of it as a job and start enjoying it)ReplyDelete
Is this too gross? I am totally fascinated by the chunks.
Nothing is too gross here. Nothing. Ok. Thanks for the link. I'm going to go investigate now.ReplyDelete
I love places where nothing is too gross. Thanks Misti.ReplyDelete
Katie W. Don't thank me...Thank Kizz. This is her dream place...where things are free and open and NOTHING is too gross. She gave this place to us. Now we just need to USE it! :-)ReplyDelete
okay, i will share that until very recently i had the kind of menstrual flow that seriously looked like i was auditioning for the role of carrie every single month. i've ruined more jeans than i care to think about and what is even more sad is that one day i was at the post office, waiting in line, mount vesuvius literally erupted from inside my panties and i had blood staining my jeans to the knees and dripping on the floor and not a SINGLE SOLITARY PERSON bothered to ask me if i was okay.ReplyDelete
i suppose in santa cruz bloody jeans are the new black.
i had those bits, like you, only mine were the size of melons and i'd call them the john cougar meloncramps. because i couldn't just have them come sliding out easily. oh no. it was like giving birth (or so i imagine). good heavens.
but all that has stopped. quite abruptly. and it may be because i'm just OLD. or something. but i'm not bothering to ask my body exactly what the issue is because, quite frankly, i am tired of buying new jeans. or wearing an overnight maxi pad inside of DEPENDS because i think that might, just might, help. (it did not).
i feel for you. all of you. and am truly hoping that i'm not back here sharing that, oh wait, i actually still am playing the role of carrie at a post office near you.
And this is why I found this conversation so enlightening the first time around and now, too. I thought I had big flow, I thought it was crazy or inhibiting. Then I learn that so many of the rest of you are out there fighting a much bigger wave and being so much more creative about it! The first time we talked about it one woman said she wore a tampon, a pad and sat on a towel in the car. Now pads and Depends. I feel like I never would have thought of that. Necessity, invention, all that. Amazing!ReplyDelete