Kizz & Tell is a combination of item #17 on my Life List (Develop an erotic fiction web site) and a continuation of the G-spot column I used to write at The Women's Colony. From fantasies to frank discussion I'm just trying to re-create a really great conversation with your friends. I hope you'll join in!

Monday, August 23, 2010

My, What Big [blank] You Have, Grandma

My brain has been both here and away. I've been thinking about sex, sure (I'm always thinking about sex) but I haven't been able to put thoughts together and here's why:

I have a new dog.

Pre-owned, new to me, but plenty new enough, frankly. He appeared by chance last Wednesday and all my time since then has been spent figuring him out. He's pretty high strung and highly directed, I fear he has a stronger work ethic than I do, but he's also highly trainable. I'm crating him for the moment since he's un-neutered and has a tendency to mark when things get uncertain. He learned pretty quickly, though, that being in the crate was a good thing. He calms down immediately when I put him in the crate and then lie down on the bed. Today, while taking a nap, I realized I should make my problem my solution.

No, I'm not going to talk about bestiality.

Honestly, that's one thing I'm not sure I could investigate too closely. I love my animals too much. Then again, if someone said, "I've got two tickets to the Donkey Show, I think you should come." how could I say no?

I'm here to ask how your pets react to the having of the sex in your house. My cats are afraid of everyone so they've never come out and bothered me. My previous dog was pretty chill. If she was told to go sleep on the floor she'd go, no questions asked. I've had cats who liked to sleep on my back and I know plenty of dogs who take any sign of movement as an invitation to interact. I have a friend who tells a truly terribly story of taking an after-sex shower in a woman's apartment and when he stepped out her cat was waiting for him. They stood, looking at each other for a moment, until the cat decided to take a swing at the cat toys he was sporting. He's hated cats ever since.

Really the worst story I've got to tell on myself is having to rewash a rabbit vibe because the cat was licking the lube off it. I felt dirty about it but the cat didn't care.

What about you? Ever had a cold nose to the buttock when you least required it?


  1. I'm down to two cats (from the original five) and neither of them (nor those who went before them) had any interest in the activities of the bedroom. What's more, our acrobatics were/are insufficient to roust them from their spots on the end of the bed; I swear the dig in and, if they could speak, would be saying, "NOT.... GONNA.... MOVE..." Sometimes, they have to be bodily lifted and ejected from the space...

  2. my cats aren't permitted to the bedroom, so that kills a good part of the issues we could encounter. otherwise, they're good enough to stay out of range of a leg or arm hitting them, while still enjoying a front row seat.

    kinda creepy, but eh, not much we can do unless we go to the bedroom.

  3. When my dear cat begins the session curled up next to us, she generally winds up in the same position, often still asleep as the session concludes. My husband and I find this hilarious.

  4. It's the prospect of an animal studying my form that squicks me out. You guys don't feel at all guilty putting on a live porn show for the furries? I think I'd get performance anxiety.

  5. One of our dogs likes to sit on the floor by my side of the bed and watch. I feel judged, and it totally distracts me.

  6. See? This is what I worry about, being judged! Seriously, like any of us needs another distraction?

  7. My husband's cat leaves us alone...usually. But then right after sex she'll come trotting up the bed and expect to be part of the cuddles.

    My cat, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered. If he's on the bed and you're having sex, he stays where he is.

  8. We've been growled at by the dog under the bed.