Kizz & Tell is a combination of item #17 on my Life List (Develop an erotic fiction web site) and a continuation of the G-spot column I used to write at The Women's Colony. From fantasies to frank discussion I'm just trying to re-create a really great conversation with your friends. I hope you'll join in!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Is This Thing On?

I was struck this morning by a phrase from this article on Blogher. It's a throwaway, tangential to the subject of the article, about an alleged sex tape that came out during the divorce proceedings of a celebrity and the author asides, "you would think that in this day and age people take the camcorder out of the bedroom, but apparently not in this case."  [sic]

If I'm perfectly honest my hackles went straight fucking up.

I'll agree that I'm sick of every celebrity on the face of planet earth getting "caught" with a sex tape. When you have a certain amount of notoriety it's probably not a bad idea to take a step back before you turn on your recording device and ask yourself why this particular activity is important to your partner. It's absolutely within the realm of possibility that they get a kick out of watching themselves have sex on screen but there's also a chance they're scamming you. It sucks and no one should have to think about it when all they're working on is a good old roll in the hay but it's a fact of life and, frankly, it has been since the first camera. It's just easier to disseminate the information these days. Not to mention harder to retrieve it once it's out there.

On the other hand I think a blanket disapproval of recording acts of sex and sensuality is fucking ridiculous. If you don't like doing something like that? Don't do it! And if you do like it may I strongly recommend that you only engage in this sort of performance with someone you trust. Not like, "I'd absolutely trust her to pick out fruit for me at the market" but "I'd trust him with my deepest, most closely held secrets." Because there's a third hand to this argument. There always is, isn't there?

I made a sex tape once. It was pretty tame as these things go, I guess. I was administering a blow job and the camera was at hand and he wanted to tape it for his own later viewing pleasure. I trusted him in all the ways I'd have asked someone else if they trusted a partner before allowing their techniques to be preserved for posterity. Quite seriously I cannot believe anyone else would give two hoots about seeing it, it was the process not the product that felt exciting. Although, now that I think about it, I've never actually watched the tape. I was too embarrassed at the time and it never really came up again other than a quick debate about custody so maybe it's the hottest thing ever and I could be a superstar and this selfish prick is depriving me of my fame and fortune. Damn him! OK, probably not. We don't speak anymore. Last I knew he had the tape. He could do anything he wants with those few minutes of one non-descript evening. I don't think he will for a number of reasons (his family, he's not at all tech savvy, it was actually on tape so has probably degraded quite a bit) but he could if he wanted to. Relationships change. You might trust someone completely at the moment and a year or two or ten later the story might be quite different. You never know, I get that.

I still don't think it's stupid to enjoy recording our sexual exploits. Is it a bit dangerous? Sure it is and to varying degrees depending on who we are and how we live the rest of our lives. But it's not stupid.

What about you, ever been taped? Any regrets? Would you do it again? Or for the first time? I promise I won't ask you to share your highlight reel!


  1. Yes. No regrets really, though they have disappeared into the ether and I wonder if they'll resurface and embarrass me at some point.

  2. No, but my partner has suggested it. Not strongly enough yet to convince me.
    I have done very incriminating photos with my ex-husband, and man am I glad I got those in the divorce!

  3. I, too, was taped (although no actual tape was involved) giving a blow job, and for the same reason. The guy used his cell phone and I didn't give it a thought at the moment. In retrospect, it might not have been too bright but I may not have even been recognizable. The guy in question has some serious sex/relationship/guilt issues and he deleted the video almost as soon as the act was complete and he clicked off the camera. I don't regret it but I don't know if I would agree to it again. Then again, I might...

  4. I've been photographed in the act, but never taped. It's not a trust issue for me, but more of an "I'm already fat and ugly, please don't add on another 10 lbs by putting my on video" issue.

  5. Photos, yes, but fortunately he used my own camera, so I was able to delete them when I came to my senses. Also it was my husband who took them, so....

  6. way back in the way-back-times of my life, i let an ex photograph me.

    fortunately, the photo that survived the set is rather nice. UNfortunately, nearly the entire internet (or at least that part of the internet that views collegehumor regularly) has seen it. MAN was that a hard lesson to learn...