Kizz & Tell is a combination of item #17 on my Life List (Develop an erotic fiction web site) and a continuation of the G-spot column I used to write at The Women's Colony. From fantasies to frank discussion I'm just trying to re-create a really great conversation with your friends. I hope you'll join in!

Monday, June 15, 2015

It's a Sweaty Business

You basically walk around like this trying to hide your butt.
You know how everyone says, "My mother never told me!" Well, that's why we have the internet. Today we talk about menstrual sweat.

You're thrilled, aren't you?

Seriously, though, I thought I was the only one and then a friend mentioned it in passing and I was so fucking relieved I thought I'd mention it here to see if she and I are the only two. I bet we aren't.

Does your whole crotchal area sweat significantly more when you have your period? Do you spend at least a couple of days constantly worrying about the question, "Sweat or blood?" It's not just the method of absorption being used, at least from my small statistical sample. She uses tampons and I use pads so it's not that the item is causing the sweat. Could be hormonal, could be psychological, could be real. I just don't know.

Do you?

Frankly, I'm sick of it.

Thursday, May 28, 2015


I have a friend who sometimes talks about how her married sex life goes in cycles. There are times she and her husband have wild monkey sex regularly and others when one (or both!) of them can't stand the sight of the other one clothed much less naked with intent. I have said all the things you say when you talk about this kind of thing with friends. "Totally normal!" "It'll come back around, right?" "You could _____." And you know sometimes she does ______ and sometimes she doesn't and their marriage isn't in danger of crumbling and she's a healthy red-blooded woman.

Me too.

But I'm single, right? And I'm really not "putting it out there" if you will. I'm concentrating on learning a new career, furthering an old career, and keeping the job that's currently supporting both. I've got a dog to walk. I have a lot of friends going through tough times right now and I'm doing my best to be supportive in whatever ways seem possible. I'm not even thinking about sex.


Actually, let's backtrack. What I'm getting at more accurately is that, while I miss having sex with other people, it's not ruining my life not to have it. I can polish my own silver, if you'll pardon the expression, and I go through cycles with myself. I know that it's tied to menstruation and that a good catch and release, if you will, populates my thoughts at certain times of the month and fades into the background at others. Sometimes I idly wonder if I should be honoring those thoughts with more action but mostly I don't worry about it.

For the past couple of months I don't think I've jacked off at all. It was, actually, starting to bother me. Not, I guess, enough to do anything about it but enough to obsess on it just a tiny bit. Finally last weekend time and energy and opportunity and desire all converged so that I got to do myself a solid, as it were.

And now?

Well, christ, now it's all I can think about. I sat outside for lunch the other day and basically played Marry/Fuck/Kill with the passersby. I had 30 things to do last night in my 2 hours of free time and I stopped in the middle of them to rub one out. I spent conservatively 30 minutes this afternoon combing through social media photos of a couple of attractive men for the sole purpose of examining their hands in order to fuel some very specific fantasies. And those fantasies are happening all the time. It's really odd to be studying how to train a dog to retrieve on one channel in your mind while using another channel to craft the perfect neck kissing scene.

By the way, if I wasn't busier than a one armed paper hanger right now I'd be writing that scene down for you and posting it here. Hope to get to it soon!

At dinner this weekend another friend said to me, "I don't know why but you've taken yourself off the market!" I didn't understand why he was bringing my love life up and I didn't think it was true but I didn't know what to say either. I certainly didn't do it intentionally. The intent is, perhaps, the key. "Use it or lose it!" they say. All I did was use it once and I unleashed the beast! When I'm not paying attention to how much I love sex - alone or in company - then I'm going to pay less attention to it. So, I guess, like my friend and her husband, I need to pay attention, to make it a priority, so I get to keep making it a priority in future. I'm here to tell you, it's totally worth it!

Anybody with me?

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Best Practices

Mile 9I don't know how other people do it but I have a masturbation routine. OK, not a routine exactly but sort of Best Practices, if you will. I've been doing this for a while now, I know what works. These Best Practices generally include some form of visual aid or reading material. I do love me some erotica. So much of it.

Anyway, I felt the calling the other night but I had been cleaning all day. I have a houseguest arriving today and a party at my place on Friday and I worked all weekend to reduce the clutter to party-appropriate levels so I wouldn't have to worry about it when my friend got here. Pertinent to the whole masturbation thing is that means that all my books and DVDs had been put away. Sure, I could have gotten something out, used it like a two dollar whore, and put it away again but I had just spent all weekend putting things away. Putting things away is the enemy!

At this point the Justification Lobe of my brain started to work. It didn't know if it was arguing pro- or con-getting out some reading material, it didn't even know if it was arguing pro- or con-masturbation but the gears were grinding. It finally came up with, "Do you even know if you can satisfy yourself without these crutches? It's been so long I bet you can't! If you can't achieve this basic goal without assistance then what kind of sex blogger could you possibly be?"

Now, those arguments are, by and large, bullshit but they turned out to be motivational. It started to seem scientific. Could I? Only one way to find out!

I can. It's still awesome.

How about you, do you have Best Practices? Do you ever try to branch out or pare them down to see what you're capable of?

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Let Me Ask You*

Day 317: CrystalI was sitting at a party the other night between one friend and another. I was talking to Right Hand Friend and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Left Hand Friend's conversation had ended and he was on his own. I reached over and took his hand. Our hands sort of naturally locked fingers and fell on the couch between us. I'm a little embarrassed to tell you that he laughed at me. I turned and he said, "What? Are we going steady now?" It did not do an ego good, I tell you!

I responded with the only tool I had available, the truth. "No! It was just that I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you but I'm having a really good conversation about sex toys over here and I'm not ready to end it yet." That'll teach him. He did have the grace to laugh at that, too, and not to interrupt.

So let me ask you, where were you the last time you had an in-person discussion of sex, sex toys, erotica, or the like? And what were you talking about?

In my conversation we were continuing a discussion we'd started days earlier about strengthening pelvic floor muscles as a way to relieve pain. In particular I was admitting that, for fun not pain, I'd bought some Luna Beads but have failed to use them as yet. I'll let you know as soon as I do!

*Is this a good title for a feature? Should it be a feature? Should I shut up about features until I get into a posting groove?

**That is not a luna bead in that picture!

Friday, August 9, 2013

And I Don't Mean British Columbia!

UntitledI know that I write fiction on this blog sometimes but I'm not making this up. Promise. Even though it's going to sound like a 7th grader going to Planned Parenthood.

A friend approached me with a question about birth control. She didn't need it for herself, she was asking for a friend. (Ok, maybe it's going to sound like a 6th grader.) The friend (I swear, it's true!) had asked her how to find out more about IUDs. She, not having been in the market for any kind of birth control for a while, wasn't sure where to look. Additionally she had some pretty strong negative feelings about IUDs but understood that her facts might be outdated. What could I tell her and what resources could I suggest for her friend?

I'm human, my first reaction was to be pretty damn pleased that someone came to me as an expert on the subject. Hard on the heels of that was some doubt about whether she was out of her fucking tree for giving me that trust. I decided to earn it and I will tell anyone who asks that I was able to do so because I write this blog. So, thanks to each and every person who has read and enjoyed this forum for discussion. You make me a better person in a measurable way.

First I went to Scarleteen because I trust them to have clear and comprehensive birth control information. Since both of the women in question (all three if you count me) are not even close to teenagers it seemed a little odd but my first criteria was trustworthy information. While I did eventually find the information I had a bit of an old lady moment because the section titles and the layout are so clearly geared toward younger people that I had a hard time identifying the right path. I eventually got to a page which included their "Birth Control Bingo," which is basically a Choose Your Own Adventure but with contraception.

Next I was inspired to search "Our Bodies, Ourselves." It's a classic resource and more of the time of the generations I'm dealing with in this case. Turns out there's a website! It's basically excerpts from the book and links. Again, though, I have faith that the people who built this book wouldn't post unvetted or otherwise shitty links, so I passed on this informative page.

Finally I went to Good Vibrations just because they're sex positive and I know the site and, not to be all broken MP3 Player about it, but I trust them. Now, logically, they're about sexual pleasure items and safety within that pleasure and that logic was borne out. I didn't find a specific page about birth control or contraception or even safe sex. I did, though, wind up at a 404 Page Not Found and that included the revelation that Good Vibrations has live chat! I don't know how to get to it except via the 404 Page so that's what I'm linking to. I am willing to bet they have experience talking about birth control and, even if they don't speak to it directly, have a go to list of good places to send chatters for help.

I think I'm allowed a small dose of pride* at my ingenuity. I'm definitely excited about what I've found. However, three links is no avalanche of fabulous information. That's what inspired me to write here. Last time I got birth control, though I was in my thirties, I made a decision based on information I learned in high school and asked a doctor I'd only been to a couple of times if there was a compelling reason to do something different than what I had decided. She didn't think so. I went diaphragm. It was fine but I don't know if I'll choose it again. I'll certainly use condoms until I'm in a position to fully trust someone and since I'm not even at the condom point right now there's time.

Seems like a good time to gather knowledge, no? Which is why I'm asking you. How did you choose your most recent form of contraception? Did you use any resources to make your decision? Do you know of any resources I could use? Man, I miss talking to you folks!

*I lose expert points for not thinking about Planned Parenthood until I started linking things in this post.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Don't Ruin the Party!

A FavoriteI have a longer story to tell you about yeast and homeopathic remedies and the downside to living another year but not quite enough time to tell it today. I have this other, shorter related thought I want to share, though, so today seemed a good time.

I don't enjoy the way the inside of my vagina feels.

It feels super controversial to say that, like I'm going to get dinged for self-hatred or something. Please don't get me wrong, I love my vagina. I like what it does (usually, wait for the yeast story) and how it makes some people react and how it makes me feel overall. It's just....I find myself sort of terrified when I put my fingers in there. It all feels too squishy, in an unpleasant, tapioca sort of way and then there are my fingernails. I can't get rid of the image of wearing stilettos in a bouncy castle.

You know?

To clarify, I kind of love the way the rest of the mechanism feels. Labia, clit, opening are all a treat to be devoured. It's just the chicken breast marinating in pudding sort of thing that's happening inside. I haven't been privileged to compare the way it feels to touch my vagina with the way it feels to touch someone else's either. I don't know if that danger quality would transfer or not. I assume it does but I know better than to assume anything...especially where sex is concerned.

Please, don't judge me harshly but do tell me how you feel. How's your tactile relationship with your happy parts? Let me know if I'm missing something, 'cause I'm always happy to learn something new.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love Is Dangerous

I can't watch I Love Lucy because Ricky always tells her not to do something and then SHE DOES IT and there are predictable consequences. I can only watch Frasier occasionally because they do exactly the same thing then they go a step further. The extra step is always great but I have to get through the first act and sometimes it's impossible.

One Valentine's Day years ago they split the show up into character-focused segments. For some unknown reason I watched. The first chunk was Niles and it's nearly silent and David Hyde Pierce is a genius.

Here it is. Whatever else you're doing with your day I think you should take 5 minutes and 9 seconds to watch it. Totally worth it.